"I want to meet someone that doesn’t know me at all. Doesn’t know my friends, doesn’t know friends of my friends, someone that is not connected to me in any way; a complete stranger. No preconceived notions of each other, both our pasts behind us. I just want to get their name and their number. I don’t want to add them on facebook, tumblr, twitter, whatever. We’re not going to text each other, IM each other, email each other, whatever. The only way we are going to communicate is face to face or voice to voice (on the phone). I want to get to know the real them and I want them to know the real me. I want it be pure and simple. If perfection is impossible, then I want it to be just shy of perfect. "

From aaronvincible.

Angela had a philosophical moment. Horin would be proud.

I feel like there are several reasons to these flippin’ bumps in the road: The people who paved it are idiots for leaving bumps. Then again, that’s how life is. We’re stupid for not stepping over them, especially if we see them. We’re stupid for hurting ourselves for stepping ON them and bitching at no one in general about the pain it’s causing us. Omg. I sound so philosophical. This was from a convo I had. I don’t think I was feeling myself when I said this. Then again, when do I ever feel like myself?

I cried myself to sleep last night.

Blame it on the alcohol.

"Drunken words are sober thoughts."

I feel so unemotional.

At the same time, I feel uber emotional.

On the outside, I'm indifferent. Right now, at least. But on the inside? I'm a complete mess.

I don't know whether to laugh at myself or cry.

I'm not even putting my heart into my Tumblr, atm. Instead of reblogging stuffs, I'm just liking everything.

Holy shit, what the hell is wrong with me?

You built up a world of magic, because your real life is tragic.

I kinda wish I would bleed.

Like just a bit would relieve me oh so much.

Lonely people are always up in the middle of the night.

I want to kiss you…so badly.

(title creds to nerissalorayna)

Not one of those "Cya later" ones. Not one of those "in the moment" ones. Not one of those passionless ones.

I want one that actually means something.

'Cause I know that it's going to mean something to me.

I want bliss.

Ignorance is bliss. Right?

I need to be on a permanent high if I'm to survive. Hm, so this is how potheads do it.

Dead tired. Week "flew by" and now it's break. Oh hey, college shit to do. I think that can wait 'til tomorrow. I fell dead asleep at the kitchen table-something rare. And I fell dead asleep and ended up at Coney Island. Another rare event.

I need sleep. Yea, Captain Obvious is working overtime tonight.

Headache.

Maybe I went a bit too hardcore on the alcohol. I almost passed out on my way down here. Hohums.

I wonder how I'm typing this correctly. I wonder how long I stayed downstairs. I wonder how many bottles I drank. Hmmmm. I need to pop a Tylenol later.

Heh I hear my parents talking.

Mom: Where's Angela? Tell her to come up and do dishes.

Dad: Pft. She's prolly drunk somewhere.

Omg. I made so many typos doing this post. Nappy time later?

Oh fuck to the yes.

Hotpot tonight!

I need happiness. I need family time (YEA OKAY). I need a getaway.

Yep, hotpot is the way to go ~

I'm bored.

I might want to make a website thinga mabob for the hell of stressing myself with HTML coding. Then again, do I have the time for that? And even if I did, what the heck would it be about?

BRAINSTORMING TIMEEEEEEEEE.

I am totally feeling fine.

I want some physical pain.

Punching a wall. Opening my cut.

Anything.

Just to feel like I'm still alive. Other than breathing and chest pain, I feel so numb that it's not even funny.

Yea, these posts are getting more personal. I should stop that.

We'll be a dream.

Just gonna leave this here.

Do you remember the nights,

We'd stay up laughing,

Smiling for hours, at anything?

Remember the nights,

We drove around crazy in love.

Do you remember the nights

We made our way dreaming,

Hoping of being someone big?

We were so young then

We were too crazy in love.

When the lights go out,

We'll be safe and sound.

We'll take control of the world,

Like it's all we have to hold on to.

And we'll be a dream.

My appetite doesn't seem to be with my nowadays.

My stomach is speaking to me, but I'm not listening to it. It growls, I think about food and instantly get disgusted and feel like barfing. Ugh. This can't be good for my health. Then again, I do need to lose a few, so it's all good. Doing slightly better in track too! -somewhat proud-

I feel like a hypocrite though. I scorn those who starve themselves just to lose weight. I'm not doing that, but I do feel like I'm somewhat starving myself. I don't know, I just don't feel like eating much anymore. Not in the mood too. Or, if I'm hungry, no appetite for anything. At all.

But tonight's going to be different. I'm at my cousin's place now and they invited me to stay for dinner. I fucking love them. Why am I not living with them instead? But yea, he's cooking up loads of stuff (they don't call him Fay Jay for nothin') and it smells delicious. -stomach growl- Yea, time to beast tonight, ahaha.

Let me rant for the time being while I'm waiting for food.

I don't know exactly what came over me today. After gym, I just felt meh. I wanted to desperately run away and hide. And then think. And think. And think. After gym, I felt whoozy and slightly dizzy. I think it was from the mini-nap I sorta had. The I suddenly got up and BAM -whoozy- ffffuuuu-

On the train, I was hoping that the ride would zoom by, like it usually does. But no, for some odd reason, it felt like forever. From Pacific St. to 59th St., it felt like 30+ min when in reality it's probably less than 20. After I got to my stop, I took a walk in the cold. It was freezing and the crazy wind didn't make it any better. But the numbing feeling helped me, in a way.

I then chilled at cousin's place. Bought food for dad's dinner and dropped it off at my place. Came back here and now I'm waiting for food. Oh, and my cousin officially thinks I'm crazy (not that she didn't have a hint before). Chloe = turning 20 this Friday. My other cousin, Wei = 30 something and with a cuteass 6 month old daughter. He's the one cooking. I love his cooking but it makes me feel so fat afterwards ): But then it's so filling!

Yea, anywhoo. I forgot to bring my journal to write in. I fell asleep on my entry last night at around 4:30am. Don't ask why I was up so late-I failed at starting my Genetics paper. But -sigh- I left it at home 'cause Grandma was bitching at me. Ick. I'd bring it around with me so I can scribble random shit in it...but that makes the risk of someone seeing it higher. A lot higher.

So home it stays.

Ohhey this post is kinda long. Whoops. I'm still hungry. Where is my dinnerrrrr ); ?

I'm trembling.

Whether it's from the cold or from the odd things on my mind at this time (Wtf am I still doing up? lawls) or just from being scared...I don't know.

But this trembling is getting pretty annoying. I can barely type. Oh, maybe it's from the cold after all.

Who knows.

Weirdass Monday.

Woke up at 4am. Didn't go back to sleep 'til 5:30ish. Woke up again at 6:45. I was late. I should've gotten my butt up at 4am. That extra hourish of sleep made me feel so dang tired. I hate feeling tired, especially on a Monday. Bah.

So the first few classes of the day were pretty shitty. Then some good news came: my Biotech teacher was absent. Hooray! We had a presentation today-one that we weren't ready for, so it was all good.

Once again, my mood has been killed. I went off to do dishes and came back down here to find my personal haven invaded. It kills me on the inside to know that the place I'm supposed to call home, makes me almost more on edge than I am at school. What the fuck.

Yea, forget my day. It wasn't too interesting anyways. I got $1 noodles that tasted awesome. The end.

Unspoken promises, still yet unbroken.

How long can I hold on when I'm losing faith in hoping?

Wanna follow your lead, but then will you sweep me off my feet?

'Cause now I'm feeling like Cinderella-

Waiting for my Prince Charming to set me free.

But I've got no slippers I can leave behind.

So stop me, please stop me-

I'm begging-before the 11th hour.

So I think I'm going to Hell.

Well, nothing new there. I knew I was off to Hell the second my mom wanted to disown me.

10:10AM. Hm, I'm hungry. No food at home? Okaays.

I got this. Omelet, anyone?

When all you got to keep is strong,

Move along like I know you do.

And even when your hope is gone,

Move along just to make it through.

When everything is wrong, we move along.

We need more parties.

Or big events/hang outs in general. With college apps coming to a close (sorta), we all need a break. So what better way to start than having a Christmas party?

Today was fun. Although it was a bit cold-we stood outside for an hour-it was quite worth it. I can't really think of anything else to say. Everything that I'm typing is too general at the moment. I jsut felt like recording the fact that I went to a party today. I'm so weird. Lulz.

Oh hey, it's 12:30am. Sleep? Shower? Yea, maybe.

My day/week was just made.

b4kudan:

(9:49:46 PM): your photography :3

(9:49:50 PM): i sho happys

akvitaa 9:50 pm

(9:50:07 PM): lawls which?

(9:50:09 PM): wait why? LOL

b4kudan

(9:50:21 PM): all

(9:50:25 PM): so much improvement!

akvitaa 9:50 pm

(9:50:30 PM): d'aww

(9:50:32 PM): thanks ~

b4kudan

(9:50:58 PM): you're learning so many art principles without taking art!

akvitaa 9:51 pm

(9:51:06 PM): i am? :x

b4kudan 9:51 pm

(9:51:14 PM): you absolutely are

akvitaa 9:51 pm

(9:51:21 PM): it's just. idk. i take whatever and whenver i want.

(9:51:25 PM): thank yous ~ x]

(9:51:31 PM): you dunno how happy your comments are making me. :3

b4kudan 9:51 pm

(9:51:44 PM): i'm very impressed

(9:51:53 PM): you're like my pops

(9:51:55 PM): learning by yourself

(9:52:04 PM): you still can improve

(9:52:08 PM): but from where you started :3

(9:52:15 PM): so much awesome!

(9:53:21 PM): i wonder what you can do with a dslr

(9:53:32 PM): let you mess with lighting and depth of field

akvitaa 9:53 pm

(9:53:47 PM): i've seen them up close and idk

(9:53:53 PM): it looks complicated Dx

(9:53:59 PM): so many buttons. and stuffs *-*

b4kudan 9:53 pm

(9:53:59 PM): mm not really

(9:54:06 PM): you actually don't use all that muchy

akvitaa 9:54 pm

(9:54:18 PM): orly o.o

(9:54:22 PM): i think it'd be fun to :3

My self-esteem has been pretty low this week. Well, for a while. And this just made up for most of it. Thank you, Horin Yip. I really needed that: someone to tell me positive things about me, someone to notice, someone to care.

I'm not saying no one cares about me. I'm just saying to needed a support...well, I honestly don't know how to phrase this. But that, right up there, was almost exactly what I needed.

This afternoon, I was feeling so down in the dumps that when I got home, I just turned my phone on silent and threw it somewhere in a forgotten corner. I didn't want to keep seeing/checking it. It makes me feel too dependent and I hate that. I don't hate being dependent, I just hate being TOO dependent. It makes me feel...unable to do anything for myself, etc. So yea, it was a healthy (too healthy) dose of annoyance, frustration, and a test of my patience.

Goddammit. Why not just come out with the truth and say I couldn't stand it? At all.

I'm really hating this. Also myself. My cousin says it's fine; she's been through something similar. My friend says it's fine: it's only human. I don't know what to say or do.

Just going with the flow for now.

It's just something about talking to you.

It makes me feel sane. It draws me away from the negative thoughts that I've been having.

Why? How?

I need to know your secret. I need to know why you have this effect on me.

And I also need it to stop.

It's for our own good.

I need to vent, but I don't know how or where to start.

Sounds really bad, doesn't it? I'd write in my journal, I'd talk to someone, I'd even write here. About everything and anything. But I can't. I find myself wanting to, in all honesty, lean on someone with the ability to support. Through, not anything, but everything.

I don't know. I'm feeling really numb right now-look, I can't even find the right word for it. Part of me wants to sleep. Part of me wants to cry. Part of me wants to knock some sense into myself. Part of me wants to not be here anymore-to exist elsewhere. I guess I'm looking for an easy way out. But guess what? There's never an easy way out. Well, there is: just don't give a fuck. But I can't do that no matter what I tell myself or how hard I try.

Typing all this doesn't help. It feels so robotic and electronic. But in this day and time, it's pretty normal. In my opinion, that's pretty sad. What happened to writing personal letters from the heart? What happened to calling/meeting up with someone just to ask "What's up?" or tell them"I love you"?

What the fuck happened to our generation?

It makes me jealous of generations past. I envy those who lived before the 20th century. I mean, I like technology, I really do. But it takes out so much meaning in...lots of things. Meh, feeling sentimental-ish right now. Just going to go read some stuff for English and maybe sleep. Maybe.

Oh, I'm pissed off at Tumblr. Usually, I go on and laugh at some random thing that doesn't matter to me at all and forget stuff. But now it's down. It shows how dependent I am on that site. It allows me to relate to some people and make me think I'm not all alone or crazy. But here? I talk, I vent, I rant. Either no one reads it, or I don't know about it. And whoever does read it...well, I don't know that either.

But that's okay.

I wonder when I'll start writing again.

I feel like I should update this blog more. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I mean, the last time I wrote in that journal thing was...almost a week ago. Either I don't have much to vent about or I was too tired to do it. Or I don't have the heart to.

Certain things I write and vent about are out of anger, obviously. Sometimes when I look back to them, it makes me sad. And it makes me wonder where I found the anger to write it all. It's just odd. On the plus side, I went shopping in SoHo today. With sibs, it was actually fun. I bought a necklace, bracelets, a white scarf, and running shoes. [I have this whole nice outfit planned out. I'm going to wear it...on a special-ish occasion? Then probably make it casual every day thing from then on? I'll see. OH SPECIAL OCCASION COMING UP. December 11th, Christmas party. If I can go. Fingers crossed!]

Heh, running shoes. That's right. I'm going to go jog every morning from now on. With indoor track, I should have the motivation to. If my parents bitch, oh well. "You didn't do anything over summer and you decide to do it when it's freezing cold?" Well, I didn't ask you to come with me, and you're not the one freezing, so it's okay.

I need to train my cardiovascular endurance; it fails so bad. It's really pathetic, I swear. So, jogging tomorrow it is! While my fatbutt of a sister bikes along side me. -shrug- I'm fine with that. Man, I feel so full now. Okay, dishes time. Then chores. Then homework. Oh, yay.

No daily post on online blog.

I'm not going to try to write every day. I'm getting less and less time online and shit. I think it's a good thing seeing that I have deadlines coming up. Instead of venting online, I made myself a nice little journal. Well, not nice yet. I need to decorate it when I feel like it.

My hands are cold. I'm kinda hungry. I have dishes to do. Busy-ish weekend? Hopefully. I need to keep my mind off certain things; I hate it when it wanders. Ah well, sounds like they finished dinner. Time to go ~

Be back...who knows when. (:

Maybe I should start blogging every day.

Or writing in a journal. Something.

Although Tumblr gives me my Tom Felton/Emma Watson/HP satisfaction, I feel depressed on it. Not to say I don't feel sad on this sometimes. But a lot of things nowadays sort of just suck up my energy and leave me feeling lifeless and dull (gosh, I really need to expand my vocabulary).

Er, I guess you can call this an update. Sorta. Not reall.y Need to get some college shit done before Wednesday. Might as well do it since I'm up, yea?

More HP obsession. If you don't believe me, just look on my Tumblr. Lulz.

I am tired as hell.

It's been a while since I pulled an all-nighter. No, my 30min-ish nap don't count. I was stupid for falling asleep. But that thick blanket on the couch looked so freakin' inviting for my cold hands, feet, and nose.

So, some news for now. I finished one paragraph for my Genetics paper. With some...motivation. Forced motivation. Let's not get into detail on that one. And right now I'm making some chicken puffs! I'll take some pictures the second they pop out of the oven :D! But it tasted yummy...the filling anyways. Or maybe I'm hungry. Really hungry...'cause I kinda am. Just sayin'.

-5 hours later-

I take that back. I'm not in the mood anymore. What am I in the mood for? Crawling up in bed and crying myself to sleep. If I'm even lucky enough to get to sleep. I want to do nothing more than just sitting here, staring at my screen, and just letting go. Sounds easy, huh?

Well, it's not.

Since last Sunday, there were times I've wanted to just sit in a quiet place and think to myself. Dwell on random depressing shit and move on, maybe. The one time I decide to cry to myself? While I was in the car with my dad this morning. I don't know if he saw. Part of me wishes he did while the other part of me doesn't. If he saw and questioned, he might still give a shit about me. If not, then oh wells.

I'm going to try to finish this Genetics paper now.

I realized it was only just a dream.

Now they're gone and you're wishing

You could give them everything.

Reading HP FF.

My favorite pasttime. But really, I should start my homework. Or that Genetics paper. I also need another source.

OMG, the pain of the paper.

I need to calm down.

Sometime soon.

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

-Albert Einstein

If only I knew that of all the moments we spent, only a few will be remembered through time.

I'm into depressing songs again.

Why, oh why, must you sound so good? It makes me wonder about where my mind has gone. It makes me wonder if I'm going back into a depression stage. Except this time, I can actually see myself smile at rare times throughout the day. That's one plus. But then again, it could be a sign of insanity. Who knows?

When given time to myself, by myself, I find myself thinking pessimistically. It annoys me more than anything. I find myself wanting to cry and just leave it at that. Crawl up in bed and go sleep for as long as I want. I feel at peace in my sleep but...sleep can only last for so long. It only feels like a couple of minutes when in reality, a couple hours have gone by.

I think I need more sleep. I think I need to procrastinate less. I think I need to stop thinking and start doing. Oh, and I've realized that I'm somewhat back on Blogspot now. I'm on Tumblr less. it's almost like I don't care about it anymore 'cept to update some new photos and my 365. I don't know why but Tumblr depresses me a little. Pft. Like my posts here don't depress me already.

I laugh at my own irony. But that's okay.

I'm going to sign off now. Maybe get some sleep. A part of me doesn't want to. A another part of me is screaming for some rest. Most of me is just screaming to stop.

Stop what, really? Everything if anything.

Jump up, fall down, gotta play it loud now.

Don't care, my head's spinning all around now.

I swear I'll do, anything that I have to

Til I forget about you.

I think I need a long walk.

Just for air. Just to take a breather. Just to feel like I still exist. That I'm still myself.

I can't tell if this is all spurred by the events of last night, but it made me realize lots of things. Things that I've kept buried deep in the back of my mind. While I was hoping they'd all pass, the stress just kept accumulating and now it's out. Although it feels like a bomb's been dropped on me, I feel like there's more to come. It's like all the accumulated stress is just slowly coming out in bursts but still continuously coming out nonetheless.

I think tonight is a sort of good thing. A little get-away from all of this, more or less. Yea, I'm going to enjoy myself tonight and just chill. Hopefully. But before all that happens, I need to pull myself together right now. Just thinking about random shit today while I wasn't distracted made me close to tears. In my opinion, it's pretty pathetic to be unable to let it out. At all or in general. It's a pretty sad concept.

Hm, it's 2:40PM and we were supposed to be at Target's/post office. Guess I'm not going home 'til my mom gets home. Plans later: go home, shower, get ready, and party. I really hope my dad doesn't pick me up. I want to stay in the city a little longer. I want to look like a tourist and take pictures in NYC at Times Square, at night. It just sounds so lovely, right?

Not really. You know what day I'm definitely looking forward to? The day HPDH comes out. I don't know or care what time I'm staying out until. But by then, most or all final decisions will be made and I can relax for good. By then, hopefully, the only thing I have to worry about is getting stuff done instead of starting. Starting is the most difficult part but then so is finishing.

Thinking about it, I really can't wait until after Nov. 15th. I don't know why, but I have a feeling the future events will be splendid. Oh, snap. When I get home, I need to remember to charge my camera. Low battery. And I need to update my 365 more. It's not that I don't take pictures daily. It's not that I've stopped. Oh no. It's just that I haven't had the time or I haven't made it a habit just yet.

This weekend was a slow, painful blur for me. I just hope I don't have to go through a weekend like that ever again. Oh yay, I'm left all alone in the English office. Sorta, not really. I should take that walk before something bursts.

Oh, note to self: ask Horin how to get to Brooklyn Bridge park. Alone.

Edit: this looks like a long rant. Whoops.

I have always walked alone,

A crossroad, living by myself.

But this time you said you would take me away,

To some corner, just you and me.

I feel like I need to blog more.

I need to make time for blogging. I need to put aside some "me time" to do this. I feel like I need it. Doesn't matter who reads or who sees. I'm fine with whatever.

I'm feeling in such a funk right now and I really think blogging should help. A tad bit. I mean, it used to and then I stopped. Maybe that's why I find it so easy to break down. Or maybe 'cause this issue is really that bad.

Oh time, where have you gone?

It's a quarter after one,

I'm all alone

And I need you now.

SoHo with Johanna!

I was about to happily blog about my afternoon but something just killed my mood. I'll still blog but I won't put my whole heart in it. Which sucks. So, moving on.

Today, I was planning to meet my mom in SoHo 'cause she promised to help me get some new shirts 'cause my old ones were too short. Guess what? I forgot my phone AND iPod today. Uber tight. I then decided to go home, get my stuffs and go meet her. But after I reached her on Johanna's phone, she was already there. So I went with Johanna to go meet up with her.

Johanna had time to kill so she spent the afternoon with me. My mom's foot was hurting so I told her she could go home after leaving me some spending money. Johanna and I went to Payless first: I needed shoes. Well, wanted. Most of my shoes are sneakers or my sister's dead flats. I wanted my own ): ! We both had loads of fun at Payless: Johanna was trying on some random shoes and boots while I was looking around for flats and stuffs.

Yea, Johanna found one of those long Converses and decided to try it on. It took her forever to stick her foot in and tie it up. I tried on at least 3-4 pairs of shoes while she was doing it! After we had our fun, I bought one pair of flats and a Van-look-alike. It was comfy, so I don't care. I'm totally going back tomorrow for the pair of boots I fell in love with. Heh.

After Payless, we walked down Broadway and stopped by H&M. We saw a zipper-up skirt and decided to try it on. It reminded us of Phoebe and her "easy access" skirt. We each got a dress shirt and tried the outfit in the fitting room, both of us camwhoring while we were at it.

Yea, that's me, IN A SKIRT. My legs are so dang thick. ); After H&M, we left to Forever21 'cause I saw a shirt the other day that I wanted. It was a plain T-shirt. I need a new one, badly. I feel like I'm wearing the same-ish thing every day and my T-shirts shrunk a bit in length. I bought a grey one and a white long-sleeved one. Then Johanna and I walked by the accessories and I saw nail polish. It's a weakness of mine. Took me 10+ minutes to decide on which ones to buy. I stuck with the metallic emerald and purple. $2.80 each x] !

We left Forever21 and came across a new store: some Halloween thing. Inside, there were so many Halloween/costume stuffs (obviously). I also found OPI nail polish. Now I don't have to buy online anymore (: ! And we also saw venetian masks. I don't know why, but I have a thing for the Victorian age and masquerade and stuff. It just... intrigues me in a way. I find it elegant and romantic in some ways.

After browsing the Halloween stuffs, we were getting hungry. We decided to get some Jamba Juice; it's been a while. Even though it was cold today, we shared a Sixteen smoothie and a flat bread. All the seats there were taken so we sat outside, in the cold, on a bench in the middle of the street. No lie. It's one of those mall thingys you see on highways. Well, people call them "malls." I think of them as mini-parks...in the middle of a big street.

We ate, chatted, took pictures and just chilled. It was a nice afternoon and lovely bonding time. I definitely don't regret taking my point&shoot around. I can' wait 'til more spontaneous things pop up and I get to use my p&s.

I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy this little mini-project/new habit.

So, I did the most epic (sorta) thing today.

Ever since senior year started, I feel like I’m not living it up. Today, that sorta changed.

I’m currently attending Brooklyn Tech and out senior class photo was scheduled for today at 4PM. We didn’t have to be in school until 12PM ‘cause of the PSAT. Ha, juniors and sophomores. I heard it was okay though. o.o

So anyways, I didn’t leave my house until 10:30. I was supposed to meet up with some people at 10:30…as you see, I didn’t make it. I ran into a friend of mine who attends Midwood-the school I transferred from. We chatted and as I was about to run off to take the train she tells me: no Manhattan bound. I was tight.

So I ended up taking the bus with her. I was planning to take the Q train to Dekalb and just wing it from there, but she made me stay on the bus. So then I changed my plans and decided to take the 2/5 train to Atlantic. When we got to Midwood, I saw so many old classmates and friends and a feeling of nostalgia washed over me. It saddened me a bit ‘cause I missed these people so freaking much.

As I was about to leave, the principal and some deans were moving the mass of people towards the college campus next door to take THEIR senior class photo. I couldn’t leave. I was stuck. So, guess what? I’m going to appear in the senior class photo in both the Midwood AND Brooklyn Tech yearbooks.

Epic? I think so.

Was it worth it? Hell yes.

Would I want to do something like this again? Oh, fuck yes.

What the hell.

If talking to me is such a waste of your fucking time, why did you start it first? Why the freak did you come and start a convo with me out of the blue?

I'm so exhausted today, mentally and physically. I just want to sleep. I'm tired of you just bagging down on me when I'm not in the best mood. And then to tell me that talking to me is a waste of your time?

Well, fuck you too.

I've lasted without talking to you before. I think I can do it again with dignity this time.

I'm not applying to any prestigious schools. Get it in your head.

I'm sorry if I sound bitchy and pessimistic, but I just won't. My parents want me to apply to Columbia University. I was considering it, I really was. Until I got some advice from my current English teacher, who was a college counselor last year.

I love him for giving me a realistic answer. It allowed me to see realistic chances and make a decision. So, there goes my ED plan for Columbia. Which is good. I get to save $70. But my parents aren't taking it too well.

"How would you know you can't get in unless you try?" That was the question my mom hit me with. Gee, I don't know, maybe it's because it's unrealistic for the school to accept me? I'm nowhere near their standards, so why apply?

It really scares me though. Thinking about college apps and the future and everything. I'm scared I won't be accepted into any school. I'm scared that all I'll receive are rejection letters. I'm scared of what my parents will think. I'm just scared out of my wits.

I really don't want to deal with this, but better now than later. Better to disappoint them now then when I get my letters in February and onward. Better to just get this shit over with.

Dang, it looks funny.

I think I should stop copying and pasting. The fonts look weird and messed up. Ugh.

But I'm so freaking lazy and SOMEONE invented the Ctrl C and V for a reason, no?

So, something weird happened.

I was eating a bowl of instant noodles and took my glasses off 'cause the fog was bugging me. When I took them off and looked around, everything was so fuzzy but, in a way, clear.

My head felt clear and was able to see things without any smudges. When I put my glasses back on, nothing was fuzzy and everything was in focus. Except I felt like I wasn't looking at things as clearly as I was without my glasses.

It's weird. I sound weird. But it's the truth. I thought I'd be able to think of some other witty/deeper meaning to this, but I can't right now.

Because I am uber lazy.

"I’m back and addicted to Tumblr, again. I don’t know if it’s a good thing since it’s the start of a new school yea. And my final year of high school. With college apps and shit to do, I don’t have time for Tumblr. But with the shit that’s going on in my head (for whatever reason), I can definitely make time.

Being on Tumblr has helped me go through some rough spots. It’s helped me go through life and just continuing doing what I do, even if it’s just existing. I guess I’m just partially ranting right now. I’m not feeling like the bubbly-self from summer. I’m not feeling like the uber depressed/stressed-self from junior year. I don’t know what I’m feeling and I don’t know why.

It’s killing me not knowing.

Yea, screw it. I’m changing the title of the post. This is a ranting post and to also prove that I’m not dead or abandoned this blog."

I want to go see the northern lights one day.

Just a thought.

I just wasted 30 minutes of my life.

My mother is unreliable. 'Nuff said.

And this is why I stay away from my house often.

Parents. Annoying parents.

I was lying on the floor of my bedroom, quietly doing Sudoku while waiting for my sister to finish showering, when my mom came in. She didn't even say anything. She then kicked me and walked back out without another word. For what reason? Maybe some insane person would know. Was I mad? Oh, yes.

My hand still hurts. And it's not from handball. The swelling went down hours ago, so I'm good.

My dad comes home and I greet him. No response. I think he's still peeved that I came home later. They should get used to expecting it. Whenever they ask me what time I'll be home, I'm not allowed to give late times. So why bother asking? Save both of us some trouble and leave my "before dinner" response alone. But the fact that he didn't respond peeved ME. If I didn't bother greeting him (which I wasn't in the mood for), someone would probably be complaining about it right now. And if I did bother (which I, unfortunately, did), I'd be the one who's peeved in the end. And guess what?

I am.

Here's another thing. I'm tired and slightly fatigued. I want to do nothing more than shower and sleep. When I was just about to get up and go shower, my mom tells me to finish the load of laundry. I don't mind doing laundry, really. But at 10:30PM? When there's no school tomorrow and I have all day to do it?

Screw. That.

Just thinking about this whole ordeal is making feel like punching something else. I should learn how to meditate. I should also learn how to calm down. I should also stay out late. I need excuses. Anything to avoid coming home too early. I really don't like it here. Whenever they're home, I feel like I'm suffocating; it's hard to breathe. I get so angry sometimes, I grind my teeth and I won't notice until it hurts. That's pretty bad considering that I've had braces before. My poor teeth.

Now, before this rant drags on any longer, I'm going to do the stupid load of laundry that some idiots had to save for the late evening. Honestly, siblings were home all day. Mom got home by 4:30PM. Yet NO ONE bothered with the laundry until I got home.

Really?

A few more deep breaths, physical stress-relieving exercises and I'll be fine.

Hopefully.

A Blog Makeover

Like it? Hate it?

I've been meaning to do something about it but never really had the time or motivation to do so. And since today's the first day off from school, I thought, What the heck? I was too lazy to go out and too tired. So I sat my butt in front of my netbook (with the occasional nap-slept for only 6 hours yesterday...how stupid of me -__-) and worked on the new thing you see here. I might do something about the colors at some point though; the header makes the rest of my blog look...plain.

That's for another day.

So yesterday was the last first day of high school, as most people put it. I met all of my teachers and reconnected with many, many people. I don't have much to say about the first day or school. But I didn't get home 'til after 7PM. Amazingly, my mom didn't call 'til after I went underground which was probably around 6:45PM. I wasn't complaining though; it was just weird.

So this wraps up my first September post. I'm going to either make some lunch (yea, at 4PM) or take another nap.

Edit: I'm job-searching right now. I'm hoping some people will take me up on some babysitting offers. The pay isn't bad at all. The hours aren't too bad with my lightweight schedule (or so I think). I want the spending money, and fast.

First post in MA.

So before I say anything, I jsut heard a cute/annoyed announcement on the boat. "Whoever has a silver Honda Accord with a Mass. plate, you have a very lonely dog. In fact, it's so lonely, it began honking the horn. Please come down and give it a hug or something to stop the honking. Thank you."

So yes, about this about. It was the boat/ferry I took with my family and the car from Wood's Hole in mainland MA to Marth's Vineyard, an island about 7-9 miles off the coast. I finally have excellent Wifi, and am extremely...satisfied for the next half hour or so.

I've been to Plymouth (yesterday) to go on a whale watching tour. The view was amazing. The further out we went, the bluer the sky and ocean was. My bratty sister was just complaining about her lack of reception. I just shrugged her off and enjoyed myself. Thank goodness too. We came about some whales. There was this one humpback which came right up to the boat. It was exciting. Everyone was snapping pictures of it, nonstop. It was such a show-offy whale but it was cute. Later on, we came upon more whales. We even came up to a mommy whale and a calf! The tour was about 4ish hours long.

We got back on land by 6PM and looked for a restaurant for dinner. Let me tell you this now: if you plan to come up further NE, you have to try the clam chowder. It's simply delicious. After our seaside restaurant experience, we headed to the hotel for check-in. That's pretty much the end of my first day.

I'd go on and on to finish up today, but my time is short. I'll be doing a lot of typing on the side, if I can, and post it up when I get home (with better Internet, maybe). I sort of miss NYC but the way my sister's acting like usch a brat makes me thankful for this trip. I'm really enjoying myself here with my family (mom and sis are exceptions, of course. dw, my dad and bro think so too) and can't wait until tomorrow. My dad's letting me sit up closer to him. That means I can get away from my sis in the backseat and (sort of) avoid my mom. She babys us so much, it's sickening at times. I'm 17, but to her, I'm still 10 (or younger).

Ooh, looks like we're about to land. I'll go out on deck and check. Oh, another plus away from the city: you can see stars here. When my dad and I looked up, out on the deck, it was beautiful. I would've taken a picture of it, but it wouldn't do the view justice, ya know? I really want to come to a place like this. One day, when I can drive, have my own car, and money, I'll plan something with a group of my friends. How's that sound, hmm?

Just lovely.

My parents' idea of discipline is...rather stupid.

You can probably infer that I went through some sort of punishment last night. I did. Well, in my parents' POV. Once again, my sister and I were locked out of the house in the wee hours of the night. This was my second time and Carol's fifth, if not sixth, time. The reason?

We were too loud.

My dad once told us, "Lights out and silence by 11." Okay. That was slightly understandable unless I had homework and whatnot. Last night, my sister and I were being a tad bit too loud for his taste. It was 10:55PM. He decided to go to bed early, so when he woke up to tell us to get our asses outside, he was obviously cranky.

So what did we do? We chilled and talked for about an hour. Then we had to surrender to our bladders. We both decided to stay over at our cousin's place (which, THANK GOD, was up the street) and just chill there. I didn't see us going back in any time in the near future 'cause both my parents went to bed. They left us outside wearing nothing but tank-ops and shorts. Oh, it was kinda chilly for a night in August. I'm somewhat amazed I didn't catch a cold.

We stayed at our cousin's for about 2 hours before my mom called. She was worried about us. When my cousin told me, I literally laughed out loud. If she was so worried about us, she would've let us in the second my dad fell asleep. My cousin asked me what was the point of my parents locking us out. I merely shrugged and she told me it was the stupidest punishment she's ever heard of. I second that.

Right now, it is a lovely Thursday evening. Both my parents are coming home late. How late? Sometime past 9PM, hopefully. After my dinner digests, I plan to shower and sleep before either one of them gets home. I'm not in the mood to face either one right now. My mom called over 10 times today. This afternoon. This is one of the main reasons why, when I stayed home, I told her I was out. If not, she'd be calling home every 20 minutes or so to annoy the shit out of whoever was home at the time.

And guess what she said over the phone? A long, repetitive lecture. And also, a list of chores to do. Chores, I'm fine with. Repeating yourself in every single call you make(which was a lot)? I would want to punch the poor unfortunate item closest to me. Which happened to be my desk. Let me tell you. It relieves the stress and anger momentarily (boy, does it feel good to let it out) but the stinging pain will be a bitch, depending on how hard you're punching.

Boy, you can tell I'm ranting. Look at how long this post is growing into. -__- And I wanted to make it short. Pfft. Oh, as you can see on the calendar: next Monday, I'm headed out to Massachusetts for my annual family vacation. That means a whole week with the family. Oh freaking joy. I can't wait. -dispose dripping sarcasm here-

Well, that wraps it up. I have my annual check-up tomorrow. It's early-ish in the morning, so I should go sleep. Before someone gets home. Good nights!

Edit: I started my Common App today. I registered for the SUNY website today too. I'm going to work on my Common App essay for Bing whenever I don't have internet. I wonder if I need a separate Common App essay for every school I'm applying to. Or if one would do for all? -shrug- I'll ask someone later on.

And I don't know

How I would ever go

All alone walking on my own.

Shot in the Dark; BTR

Another stay-at-home-day.

I need to get out. Right. Now. I've been feeling too lazy and unproductive. I need to work out. I need to just get out there. I should give Johanna a call and go handball somewhere. Hmm, Metrocards expire on Thursday. So no Metro on Friday ): !

Meh, I'll live.

I don't know what spurred this, but at the moment, I'm liking the BTR songs. They're catchy and the lyrics aren't terrible. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm having a phase...oh well. I like. (:

Oh! I made spaghetti and meatballs today and I'm extremely full. I had an early dinner though, so it should digest soon...very soon... Maybe I should go biking tomorrow morning. Or most of the day, or all day. Lawls. I'll see. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking about reusing some of these lyrics in the future. Far future, don't worry. (:

Gotta keep on believing

That everything takes time.

I'll make up any reason

To make you mine.

Any Kind of Guy; BTR

Can't hang on weekends? Yea, right.

So yesterday was Saturday. Carmen and Sam came over to chill. The original plan was to go to Carmen's place-no, bike to Carmen's place- and chill there. But as always, things never go according to plan. I had to babysit 'cause my sister wouldn't let me go out. She was allowed to go out and pick up her friend but that meant I was stuck at home? No, gtfo.

So because I couldn't leave my house, I had them come over. I set up the MJ table, brought drinks in, set up the stuff I was going to use for the fried rice, and waited. Sam called and I went out to the station to go pick him up. We would've waited for Carmen, but he had to pee. Badly. I thought he learned his lesson from Max and Ron the other day. Apparently not.

We waited for Carmen to arrive. It didn't take long. I was working on her card when she just popped in my room. She rang the doorbell...downstairs. My grandma opened the door for her. I told her to call me when she got here. -sigh- Carmen. She wasn't hungry yet and neither was I, so we started MJ. Later on, we took a break, I made some fried rice (heh, it was good, but not salty enough. Maybe I should've added salt. D: ) and Erin, Carmen's cousin, came over. We MJed more and before we knew it, it was time to leave. My mom was coming home soon.

She knew they were here already 'cause I told her but I still wanted them to leave before she got home. I don't really look forward to my friends meeting either one of my parents. We decided to sot of bike to Carmen's place but Sam and Erin had to leave. While we were in the garage, Sam had a fail. A very, very bad fail. I won't say it now 'cause he's going to kill me if I do. :x Maybe one day. Lawls. Let's just say he can't read. And he'll be needing some new shoes.

We grabbed a bike and left. We dropped Sam off at the train station an Erin left right after. Carmen and I walked/biked to her house down at Kings Highway and had a nice chat. It was completely random, but nice. I feel like I haven't had a one-to-one with a lot of people lately. I want more. Yes, I'm a selfish little one.

It's getting late (no, not really) and I should go sleep (yea, riight). I have absolutely no plans tomorrow. Everyone either has work, is out of town, or busy with something. I have no life. I might as well stay home, redo my nails, workout, attempt to cook something, and maaybe clean. Or gaming. Either way, looks like I'm staying home tomorrow.

I feel so lazy though. ):

You know that it doesn't matter,

As long as we got each other.

2012; Jay Sean

While listening to this song, it made me think of my upcoming senior year. It made me think of what I'd be up do the night of prom. It also made me think of other things, but most importantly, of my future. What will I be like a couple of months from now? One wonders.

Zoos smell. Bad.

I'm tired. Reeally tired. And I don't have much time on the Internet now..so short summary? We arrived at the Bronx Zoo at around 10AM. Left around 4PM. We went to almost every free exhibit and walked around them at least two or three times. After Monday and Tuesday, my feet are aching and I'm tired.

And I'm going to bike tomorrow. Yays. Well, beats staying home. With my mother. Yea, she has off.

OH NUS IT'S RAINING TOMORROW. What the heeeeeeeell?! Hmm...hoping for no morning showers. Then I'd be a bit screwed. It's raining/showering on Friday too. I don't have any definite plans for Friday, atm. Should I keep my metro and waste it if I'm not going anywhere? Totally. You never know what random event's gonna spring up, ya know?

I guess I'm still sticking with biking tomorrow. (: Then Carmen's after? Possibly/most likely.

Let me hear your voice

If we become honest, surely

We'll be able to understand each other.

Let Me Hear Your Voice; Big Bang

This was a stupid waste of my time.

So, I had to look up some stuff for my dad, right? The second he steps into the shower, my sister comes out of the room. "Can I chck Facebook for a second?" No, you can shut the fuck up and take teh desktop.

But noo. I still can't go shower 'cause I'm stuck doing useless shit that won' even go in affect when we go on vacation. I'm so tire. All I wanted to do was come home, shower, and sleep. Instead, it's almost 12 and I still stink.

I wanna punch something. I already broke a glass today and nearly cut myself with it. What more is there tonight? Hmm?

Who wants to fucking try me?

Ah, so much walking.

Walked from Tech to Lutheran yesterday. Walked from Tech to Chinatown today. Ohh boy. And tomorrow? We're walking around Bronx Zoo. And the day after? No idea. I think I'm just oging to bike all over Brooklyn. Who wants to join me? :D

-cricket cricket-

It's not soo bad! I think I either build up endurance (no, not really) or muscular strength (somewhat?). Maybe I'm just toning my leg muscles...hopefully.

Well, I'm a bit tired now. I'm only on for once 'cause my dad wants me to look up some stuffs for my nonexistent vacation, atm. He's being extremely vague about what he wants and yet he's the one giving me an attitude. -siigh-

I've gotten so used to using my netbook and it feels weird to be on a desktop. Hmm. I should bike somewhere and chill at the library on Thursday/Friday, with my charger. Lawls. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of the week AND next week. -face palm-

Oh, turns out I'm not going on vacation the last week of August, as I thought. We're going the first couple days of September. In my opinion, this is kind of stupid. I was hoping to chill the last few days before school, but I have a feeling my dad's going to cram a couple of trips to the beach. I don't mind the tanning...but I don't want to go through the trouble of going out.

How can I give you all of me,
When all I get is half of you?
Now, tell me what am I supposed to do?

All of Me; Varsity

tonight is the night to let it go; i wanna see how you lose control.

Yesterday, after dinner, everyone decided to go for a walk. My dad and I were the only ones at home; I was finishing up some chores while my dad was working on the stove downstairs. I suddenly decided to blast some music and sing along. And the first song that comes up?

That's right, Sam. "Down" by Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne.

I think instead of a countdown, I'll do some lyrics spam as a closing for my posts, yea? Then I might start with the countdown when school starts, with the assistance of the handy-dandy calendar on my school's website: countdown 'til graduation. It'll actually matter to me. Wow...so soon.

More on that another day. Let's dedicate today's lyrics to a certain...Squishy Fishy I know. (;

So leave it behind,

'Cause we have a night to get away.

So come on and fly with me,

As we make our great escape.

So why don't we run away?

Happy Early Birthday, Carmen!

So today was the karaoke party for Carmen's birthday. Her birthday's on Monday and we all celebrated with her today. The karaoke party was at Crystal Cafe from 2PM-6PM, but my dad wanted me home before 6. I was on time. Kinda...I'll get to that later.

I was supposed to meet Sam and Ron at Sam's house. I was kinda late. We were supposed to meet up at 1:30 but I didn't get to his place until 2, when the party started. We weren't even the latest ones there. Could've made my card D: ! But I took the N train to the D at New Utrecht. I got off at 9th Ave and met up with Sam and Ron. We walked the short distance to the karaoke place. Oh, Ron pointed out Sam's house to me. "It's the one with the broken/beat-up door." I swear, it was lawl-worthy. "Just walk up the block, look for the beat-up door and you know you're at Sam's place."

We all had a fail when we arrived at Crystal Cafe. Well, Sam did. No one was downstairs when we arrived so we headed upstairs. Found no one. Sam called Carmen while we were walking back downstairs. "I could've made the card! Told you we were too early!" Yea, that was me. We ran into Carmen on our way out the door. Turns out there was another door that led directly to one private lounge for parties. There were a couple of people there already; no one I knew came yet. We gave everyone our hellos, I attacked Carmen and the three of us took seats at the MJ table. Hey, Carmen pointed it out.

Here's what went down: Ron won two games and Sam won two games. I didn't win any until teh next game. I think I only won one or two games. ): But at least I didn't have my losing streak! During the MJ games, random people were singing random songs. At first, there were a lot of Korean songs. Then came some familiar hits. Then more random songs. Then some depressing and slow Chinese songs, more familiar hits and I left. That was just the songs. We had some fun in between. Oh boy, did we have fun.

Edit: Oh right. Sam was supposed to sing. Carmen found Down by Jay Sean, one of Sam's favorites. Ron and I were practically holding him down, but he refused. I should've told Ron to sing a duet with him. That's would've been the video of the year for me! Ah, but we had fun (; Thank goodness no one made me sing. I was singing along to some songs but it was meh -shrug- I'm not in chorus for a reason. :P

At some point, Carmen went out to get a cake (I think). Connie and everyone else were setting up a cake and Ron asked, "How are you going to split a small 10-inch diameter cake with 25 people?" "Uh, Ron...I don't think everyone came." -looks around- "Still." We were sort of hungry. My drink never came. ): ! I was thirsty as heeeeeeeell. Carmen blew out the candles, we sang and applauded. Then came the cake. Literally. Someone cut up the cake and people began distributing it. Ron and I just stood in a safe-ish corner while Sam went to get cake. I didn't mind not having any if there wasn't enough. Then we heard a commotion.

That's right. People were getting caked and being caked.

Ron and I avoided the whole thing while Sam came back with some cake. I got a slice from someone and Carmen came to me. Then she splat some cream on my face. You can guess what happened then. I chased her down, creamed her face and sat back down. Sam and Ron saw my face and just laughed. Then Sam got creamed by Carmen. Ron and I held him down. Lawls. There was a bit more caking and creaming after that. I think at some point, Sam was plotting something and needed Ron's back-up. It didn't happen, I guess. After cake, we played one more game of MJ and I left.

I got home at exactly 6:08PM. Thank goodness my dad was napping so he didn't know exactly what time I came home. He assumed I was on time. Yays. It was a close one though. He woke up 15 minutes after I got home.

In short, it was a fun afternoon. It was a nice day, until I got home. I won't go into detail on that; I don't think it's worth the time and space, at the moment. It'd be nice to have another day like this, but as Ron said, "Dude, this won't ever happen again." He said it was too good or something. "Mass orgy." "This is foreplay, right here."

Yea...that is all for today. (:

It's been 51 days. Already?! Hmm, maybe I should keep count of something else?

I want my own TV.

So I don't have to fight to watch my shows. Goddammit, why do my shows have to be at night? 8PM, no less. -bangs head against wall- It's not fair!

Ah, it's 10:30 and my netbook is dying. Answering a few more IMs...finish my episode tomorrow x_x.

This is so inconvenient. -dies-

BBQ and Pool in Long Island.

Because Louise didn't give details, I'll give most, if not all. Here it goes.

Yesterday, Howard, Johanna, and I planned to join Louise at a Filipino BBQ in Long Island. Howard and I had to wake up at 5AM to be at Louise's house before 8AM. It was...a fun train ride. Beats being alone at 6AM. I felt tired and hungry. We arrived at Louise's place a little bit before 8-enough time for me to change. After I quickly changed, we all helped Louise bring some stuff down to the car. Howard, Johanna, and I were in the back while Louise and her sister sat right in front of us with her parents in the driver and passenger seats. It was 8:30 and we were on our way.

The drive was about an hour long. For the first half hour, we wouldn't shut up (well, the three of us in the back) and attempted to play cards. But the car was moving and I realized I couldn't do it, got a bit dizzy and decided to take a nap. So for the next half hour, Johanna was reading while Louise, Howard, and I were taking a nap (I think). Before I knew it, we were there. We helped unload the car and met up with the rest of the whole group who arrived shortly after us, if they weren't there already. We brought the stuff to the desginated picnic area, got some tables and stuff, and ate. We decided not to each too much since we were going in the water pretty soon.

We took a walk to the playground with some youngsters while digesting. Afterwards, we headed for the pool. It was big. There were some laps there and I got excited but I quickly realized why swimmers swim with one pieces. Lawls. We spent more than 3 hours in the sun at the pool. The slide was fun too. I won't go into full detial with our time at the pool. It was fun. End of story. Let's just say we need to plan a pool day with the whole group. One day.

Around 1 or 2ish (I forgot what time) we went back to the picnic area to eat. Oh, we had to pay $10 for the pool. On our way out, we had stamps so we were able to go back in. We had lunch and I felt like I ate a lot. I didn't eat as much as Ron would have but I still felt like I ate loads. We took another walk to the playgrounf, got on some swings and just chilled in the sun.

I made some new friends with Louise's youngsters: Chase and Louie. Chase is mean and Louie is nice. Well, to me. I was doing the squishy-thing to Louise and Chase was asking me why I called her squishy. I poked him to show why. Then I kept calling him squishy and he kept saying he wasn't. Ah, 11-year-olds like them are adorable. Unlike some jerks I've met, unfortunately. But these kids seem genunine enough and it relieves me.

We headed back to the pool and this time, there were more people compared to the last time we were there. Because Howard was unable to go into the big pool, we decided to hang at the kiddie pool with him for a little bit. Johanna didn't want to go back in the water the second time so she sat out to tan. After our fun at the kiddie pool, we all headed back to the big pool. Eventually, Howard came in. As in whole body soaking. It was bad to get his right hand wet 'cause he promised his mom and all but Louise was happy he was in the pool. Oh boy, was she happy. We had...fun. Again, no pool details. It was fun. Louise and I took turns giving the younger ones (Kelcey and some friends) rides to the deeper end. The farthest I was able to go without putting any of them in danger was about 5 feet? They liked hanging onto me while I was semi-treading the water. We all fooled around and it was fun. The kids hanging onto me were my defense and offense against the others. Bwahahaha.

Soon, Louise's mom came and told us it was time to get out of the pool. It was getting late and we had to leave soon. It felt like the day passed by too fast but it was nearing 5PM already. We got out, Louise and I took a rinse, and changed. We walked back to the picnic area for one last meal. To digest, we took a walk around the whole pond. Oh, this one was a nice adventure. We rarely took pictures all day so Lousie had her camera handy and we took random group pictures while walking. Before we started, we saw this bird/hawk perched atop a tree. It looked like a bald eagle at first, but we figured it wasn't. All the youngsters were amazed and we took pictures. I still had my plate with me so I quickly finished my food. Oh, and we finished the bottle of ginger ale before embarking on our adventure.

Every time we found a nice spot to take a picture, one of the youngsters had to be our photographer. Kelcey was it for the first couple of pictures and Louie was it for the rest. Every time we finished with a picture, I let out a big burp. I guess the food was slowly digesting while the ginger ale was helping. A lot. Or I wasn't full yet. -shrug- But after the third time, Louie supplied us with our album title. He asked me, "Are you going to burp every time we take a picture?" Obviously, we were all laughing. Chase even said I should be the Piggy of the group. He referred to Howard as Panda and asked what my animal was. "Duckie," I told him. "Well, you should be Piggy. You burp too much and you ate so much at the BBQ." I shook my head and pointed at Louise. "She's Piggy. Bwahaha." He asked me why since she was the smallest out of all of us. I swear, they're so nice. -sarcasm-

We decided to take one last walk over the bridge that led to the little hut-like thing at the end. We saw a snapping turtle. There was a little girl "fishing" with her grandpa and they were pointing at something. "Look! It's a snapping turtle!" We all rushed to her and tried to look for it. We saw it and obviously Johanna got extremely excited. Louise tried to take a clear picture of it but the sky was reflecting off the water's surface so it was hard. There was one point where there were a lot of air bubbles in the water. Howard pointed this out and said, "Johanna, your turtle farted." We roared with laughter (insider from the morning).

We found a fake plastic turtle and took our group picture there. The sun was facing our way, so we didn't have to worry about not seeing our goofy faces.

When we reached the side opposite of where we started, we found frogs. I was amazed, for some reason. We saw lily pads on the other side but no frogs. Right before we started walking, I asked Johanna where all the frogs were and how cool it'd be if we saw them hopping from pad to pad. Louie otld us we could find some on the other side but I didn't believe him until I saw it with my own eyes. We took pictures and laughed as we saw air bubbles coming out of the end of the frog. "Look! The frog's farting too!"

Soon, Louise got a call for us to go back to the picnic area. We packed up and were the first ones to leave ('cause us Brooklyn people had to go). I felt a bit sad to be leaving the youngsters, but there will be another day.

I won't say much about the car ride home. Most of us got knocked out and fell asleep. Johanna was still reading her book, I think. I have no idea how she does it. She was trying to finish it because she had to return it to the library that day. Lawl. We dropped Johanna off at the Flushing Library and went on our way. Oh, I forgot to pee in the bathroom back at the pool, so my bladder was calling to me. The car ride was extremely bumpy...it was painful. I had to pee, so bad. Now I know how Max and Ron were feeling the other day at QCM. It was not a fun experience. We decided to stop by Louise's place afterall to pee. The train ride home was frustrating. Extremely frustrating.

Howard and I just planned on taking the R all the way. We were both tired and just wanted to sleep. And besides, we were all in pain too. But the R decided to be a bitch. Not only was it the weekend, it was nighttime. We arrived at 36 street in Queens and it was going on the F line. It was going to go back to normal in Manhattan, so fine. It shooed us off at Times Square 'cause it was the last stop for that train. There was a Q across the platform, so fine. The Q just arrived so it took a whole 10 minutes for it to get moving. By then it was 9:07PM. We left Louise's place at 8:30. It was getting late and I was getting impatient. Oh, when the Q decided to get moving, there was an N across the platform. It was local in Manhattan so I shrugged it off. We should've gotten off at Canal. We regret it but I don't remember stopping there or going on the bridge. I was knocked out in that span of 15 minutes. Apparently it took us FOREVER to get from Union to Dekalb. Once we reached Dekalb, we saw an N train passing by. Crap.

The R finally came and we slowly made our way to 59th St. Unfortunately, it stopped at 53rd St. For what reason? We have no idea and we didn't care at the moment. Guess what? THREE N trains passed by us in the span of a mere 10 minutes. 10 flipping minutes. When the first N passed, it was 9:55PM. After the third one, the R still didn't move. I told Howard, "If one more train passes by, I'm walking to 59th." And guess what? One more passes us. We get up and out of the train and see another R train behind ours. When we JUST got out of the station (it was one of those exits where you can't re-enter), the conductor makes an announcement. I didn't bother to listen. I just ran up the stairs and out of the station.

It's 10PM and we're standing at 53rd St and 4th Ave. Howard's phone died and he was using mine. He tried to remember his sister's number. Thank goodness he got the right number and his dad was still awake. Around 10:20PM, his dad and sister came and picked us up. They drove me home. I was so grateful to them. If it weren't for them, I would've gotten home by 11PM, if not after. I rang my doorbell at 10:35PM. My dad was somewhat mad at me. "Did they get lsot in Brooklyn?" I almost forgot he thought that Louise was driving me home. I accidentally told him Howard's dad drove me home. I guess he didn't hear me. He just reacted with a "What?" and I said they lived in Queens and they jsut dropped me off. My story was: I had no idea what was going on or what route they took; I was asleep the whole time. That's also why I didn't answer my phone (yeah, right).

So yea, it was a nice day. But Howard and I made this promise: no more late weekend hangouts. The MTA on weekend nights are just too frustrating and stupid. It took us 2 hours to get home. Usually, it would've taken only an hour and a half at the most, if not an hour. But this morning, my dad seemed fine. I'm not in deep shit, so it's all good. I slept for nearly 10+ hours. I was so knocked out that I didn't hear my dad knock on my door, at all. I wasn't conciously awake until my bladder called to me. Even after that, I went back to sleep for another hour or so. Yea, I was tired. I think everyone else was too.

So there's our whole day. On the train, Howard did some math. We were both out of our houses for a good 16 hours: 12 hours with Louise and Johanna and 4 hours for traveling. I also realized that no one in my family has seen me in almost 24 hours. I went to bed at around 11PM the night before and I return home when it's almost 11PM the next night. Boy, it was a crazy Saturday. We need more of those. just look at how long this entry was! And I didn't even include EVERY detail. Either I write too much, or we did that much. But hey, it was a fun day, what can I say?

Never been so tired and pissed off at the MTA.

That's all I'm saying for now. Promise there'll be more tomorrow. I'm in the middle of typing it but I need to get off internet. -shakes head- This is so inconvenient.

I also have some pictures (from Louise's camera) that I'll upload...later/tomorrow. I have a (slight?) sunburn. It is hot.

I shall sleep now. If someone wakes me up early, I will kill them.

Good nights. :]

So excited!

I'm going to Long Island tomorrow to chill with some friends. I'm too excited. But I'm also tired. Reeeeeally tired. Handball was semi-intense for me today. I still need to run more.

I finished packing and all I need to do is shower and sleep. Then waking up extremely early. Then getting on the train early. Then...yeeea. We'll be on our way.

I should update more tomorrow, if I'm not too tired. There'll be an update on Sunday, most likely. Now, if only I can stop talking to you. Oh dear. Someone is being dramatic again.

let's clear up this confusion.

i don't want a repeat of history.

One weekend to look forward to.

For the first time in ages, I'm looking forward to the weekend. My parents gave me permission to go to Long Island with Louise&Co. Yes, you heard me. Long Island. I'll probably be home past 9PM, Saturday night. Thank you so freakin' much. I have a feeling my uncle wanted me to go somewhere with him after we all bailed indoor rock climbing with him.

This whole week was full of plans for once. Until today, that is. Monday, we all (but Max) went to Queens to meet up with Potter. It was...not too fun. I had to face him in handball and we had to hang out with him before he went on his cruise. The courts smelled like piss. It was icky. It was full. Yea, I prefer Brooklyn for handball. Or Louise's area.

Tuesday, we all (but Max, again) walked to 51 for handball. We didn't stay there fo rlong. I had a headache and it was hot. Really hot and sunny. We walked abck to McDonalds after about 30 min. We stayed there for another hour. It was too early to go home so Howard and I took the R all the way to Lexington. We were too lazy to get up...I didn't get home 'til after 6:30. Mommy was mad. Oh wells.

Wednesday, we all (but Max, yet again) went to Coney Island after volunteer. It was DeeJay's birthday! Once we got there, we saw a group of black people going into Nathan's and we found them. I am not a racist bastard. Lawl, Achmed. When we got on the sand, holy shit, it was hot. I think I gave the soles of my feet a fairly icky burn. Johanna and I ran to the ocean where the water we cool and the sand was bearable. Later on, we all fell asleep in the sun. No burns tho ;D !

Today, we did nothing productive. We planned to go to Union Square but Johanna didn't need to. We walked to Staples and Max looked for some DVDs his dad told him to buy. Afterwards we just chilled at McDonald's. I gotta quit eating. I'm so fat -_-. We all walked back towards the station at Union St. and went our separate ways. It was even-ish for once: 3 Brooklyn people and 3 Queens people. And also: 3 dudes and 3 chicks. We were even :D! We even walked in pairs, unintentionally: one line of girls and one line of boys. -shrug-

Max failed so bad today. He escorted some kids to the bathroom (note: they were mere 7th graders) and just left them there. He came back alone and I asked him, "Where are the kids?" His blunt answer, "I left them there." -face palm- Oh and Kathy recognized him 'cause she thought we looked related. Weird, no? He thinks more kids are stalking him. Paranoid, much? :P

Oh, dang it's 10PM. I think I should go upstairs and shower, if they haven't locked me out. Yet. I hope not -_- Oh wells, good night.

There's handball tomorrow morning at 51 and Central Park with Carmen after. What is there to do at Central Park...walk around? Suree.

Eww, sticky.

Today's an uber sticky day. It's hot and humid. I dislike this kinda of weather; I feel lazy and tired all the time. My dad woke me up at around 9AM. I had to move some furniture, sweat a lot, and do chores. My chores of the day involved laundry and the usual weekend cleaning.

I actually finished most of my chores along with a lot of sweat. I feel so sticky and icky. Well, if I had gone to handball this morning, it would be close. When I usually handball, I don't sweat to the point of it dripping off my face. I just sweat enough for my eyes to start stinging. But today, my sweat was just dripping so badly that I needed tissues to wipe it out of my eyes. Then again, handball is more fun, in my opinion.

I was supposed to meet up with Sam (&Co. ?) at Lutheran this morning. I wasn't sure if I was allowed so I didn't bother asking and getting someone mad early on a Sunday morning. I was actually awake at 5AM...then fell back asleep. I felt so knocked out for some reason x_x I woke up again at 8ish, debated on whether or not to call (or to leave him be and figure it out himself), called, had food, and started chores.

Yea that sums up my day o-o I hope Louise doesn't read this until later on...really, really later. Like tomorrow afternoon/end of the week later. Heh.

I'm getting hungry. Still waiting for dinner. Typing is getting hard now...I should cut my nails o_o...after my nail polish arrives!

I'm going to quit the countdown: I don't update on a daily basis and keeping track is semi-depressing. So how about I count the number of school days starting on the 8th? Yea? Okay.

I know this is a feeling I just can't fight;

You're the first and last thing on my mind.

You Make Me Wanna; Blue

Shopping at QCM = fun!

Today was an epic day. I loved it. The group and I (Louise, Johanna, Howard, Max, Ron, Sam and James) all went to QCM for shopping. We've been planning this for about a month? We had a set date by last week-ish.

In the morning, we all stopped by Louise's place 'cause she said she was going to cook us breakfast. The R was extremely slow this morning x_x ! She had rice. And milk. AND SPAM. So I was good. I ate a lot ._. I've been eating a lot since...I don't know when. Where did I get this appetite? Well, at least if I burn it then I'm good :3 !

So we helped Max pick out 5 shirts. He needs jeans though. He and Ron didn't know their sizes...how sad. I think Sam and Howard were the only ones. -shrug- I asked Sam and just estimated. I was close! I was only one size off for Max but exact for Ron. Yay. Oh, Max's shirts are so not him...just not in a bad way o-o? He's always in white. We got so many colors for him. And Howard. Ron got all white. I think Sam only got black and something else. Johanna got a couple of graphic tees from AE and I got one from Aero. I also got a pair of jeans and a fluffy sweater. -hugs-

After we ate at the food court, Ron, Max, Sam, James and I had to leave. Like good little children. We took the train straight from Woodhaven to...who knows where. It was a hilarious train ride. I don't regret not taking a nap. I think a bit after we finally reached Manhattan, Max had to pee. He drank who knows how much iced tea. After than, Ron had a slight urge but it was uncontrollable at around Court St. Yea, we took the R all the way 'cause everyone was too lazy to get off to switch to express.

It's almost Atlantic and Ron and Max look and sound like they were in such pain. "That's it, Max. I'm going over to your place for the bathroom." I was pretty tight then. There was an N train approaching Atlantic with our R. I got ready to leave-the first one to get off the train-but the stupid N train didn't wait for me and the doors closed before the R even stopped. "Yay, more moral support!" Lawls. I ended up being the last one to get off the R. How stupid.

Max and Ron had this whole plan set out: power walk, don't sprint. Sprinting/running makes it worse. It was hilarious. When we were approaching Prospect Ave., Max's stop, lots of people were crowding around the doors and Max said, "Oh shit, so many people." He and Ron somehow made it to the front of the crowd and we saw them sprint for the exit. it was funny as hell. They said no sprinting but I guess the urge was too bad. From what I heard, they ran to Max's house, ran inside and nearly exploded. Ron came out of the bathroom sweating. LOL.

After they got off the train, Sam had to pee. James and I are just like: oh shit. He only had 3ish stops so it was...better? Well, he had to wait for the D since my N came first. Ha. James got off at 53rd and I got off at 59th. Yea, last person to get off the R. Could've been the first -_-!

All in all, today was a good day. Some pics are up on Facebook. I'd put them here but the process is too long. I'm sort of in a rush as it is. My internet nowadays is extremely limited. If I stay downstairs too long, I get scolded. For what reason? Who knows -_-...

I'm tired. I think I should do my exhaustion test tomorrow if I can. If not, then I'll just follow the week 2 or week 3 schedule for the next couple weeks just to keep fit. The push-ups are getting harder. The sit-ups are still okay for now. Must lose abdominal flab. My goal for the rest of the summer. I see handball for a whole week after Louise leaves. Lawl.

Dang, I wrote a lot today. Well, I should. I sort of want to write more posts like these. It means my day was interesting and not the same old same old shit. Well, I hope I get ot write more soon. I love days like these with people like them.

Thanks, guys. And now good night (;

Yum, I love me some Sodium and Pepper.

Volunteer, the usual. We went to 51 for handball today. The original plans were to go to Lutheran 'cause Ron was there but we decided to not go at the last minute. I finished a 1L bottle of water and was still thirsty. It was so hot and humid today and I need to shower. Like. Now.

After handball, we went to McDonald's to "abuse" our coupons. We all had some sort of coupon for what we wanted (more or less). We stayed there for a while-nearly an hour. It was...fun. The AC felt nice.

Well, not much today. I'm pretty tired. I fell asleep on my netbook for a few minutes just now. Time to shower. I can't even stand my own BO x_x.

49 days until we're seniors.

Intense Workout Week - not too bad.

Volunteer in the morning, obviously. Unless something interesting or blog-worthy happens at work, I'm not going to say much about it. Oh, us seniors-to-be have homework. How lame. Stupid college process must be so...annoying. ): !

Today, the rain stopped by the time we left the school so it was okay weather to go handball. Louise and I changed into shorts/sweats so it'd feel more comfy. Johanna was already wearing shorts (smart girl- OF COURSE, SHE GOT A 5 IN AP CALC AB D:< !). We went to Lutheran. There were only two courts but then there was no one on it so it was free. Yay. It was fun. I didn't feel like I went all out but it was enough for my right arm to hurt. I dislike constantly serving. I get so tired afterwards!

We left the place at around 4ish and on the way, somehow, we saw Sam. Well, Max did. But yea. He was in formal attire. A weird picture. He and Max took a left turn somewhere and went home. The rest of us (Louise, Howard, Johanna, Stephen and I) went to a McDonald's for food and to cool down a bit. We stayed til around 5ish? I didn't get home til 5:30ish and my mom bitched. Like really? I came home waay before yesterday, so stfu.

I think that's it for today? I'm going handball tomorrow again. Where? Don't know. Deciding on what to do is already a big accomplishment. We'll decide the location tomorrow. Prolly Luth again. -shrug- It's getting cold. I'm going to turn my AC on low and go to sleep. BEFORE 11PM TODAY. Wow. I must be really tired, or really bored.

Good night!

Oh, I'm trying to look for some new catchy phrases/quotes for each post. Hm, Google? Maybe.

56 days until school starts. Ick.

I definitely need a SUNY.

My parents are really getting to me. My patience is wearing thin, very thin. Let's just say I have to call my mom when I get off volunteering now. Every. Fucking. Day. It's summer vacation. I'm 17, for crying out loud. I'm going to be off to college next year SO WHAT THE FUCK. I'm thinking about coming out with the truth starting in September. I mean, what are they going to do about it? What can they do?

Not much.

So, what did I do today? Volunteering, obviously. We planned on handballing today but it was POURING. Louise, Howard, Johanna and I headed for Stephen's house while Max went home. Johanna said she had to go home too so it was just the four of us. We played MJ...I finally won once at the 17th game x_x ! It was tiring... It was also pouring when we walked all the way to 90th ST from 74th ST. We got soaked. I had a slight headache but slept it off on the train ride home. It was a good way to kill the afternoon productively :3

I think I'd write more but it's past 11 and my dad's going to scold me about staying up. -rolls eyes- Depending on what happens tomorrow, maybe more, maybe less. We'll see.

Oh, I think I should start writing again. I don't know...I feel a sudden urge to.

Looks like it's going to be a nice week, according to the forecast.

To update, I've been having some serious family issues. Makes me want to go to a SUNY even more. I can't stand the thought of staying with them for another 4 years or so. That's it. I won't go into detail with the issues/situation; seems pointless to.

So it's almost 11PM on a Monday night. Today was Week 1 Day 3 of my 6-week workout. It's going good so far. I find the push-ups a bit hard but I want to push myself so I'm not switching to the lower level. I did a total of 59 push-ups and 69 sit-ups for today. Rest day tomorrow. Oh, I'm also going all out for handball tomorrow. Don't know why, but I sort of feel like it. I'm going to push-myself this week since the weather's fine. And I got a haircut so my hair is a bit more manageable and hassle-free...sort of.

Another update: my cousin has a free pass to go to a local gym. When she came back from China, she told me that her doctor said she was unhealthy/unfit. Her friend can pull her into the plan she has at the local gym, including me. My cousin said she can come to me for these kinds of things, so I'm going to whip her into shape. Hey, free access to a gym. For someone like me, it's hard to refuse.

Volunteering...there isn't much to say about it. We're idle most of the time. I'll only mention it when something big/important happens, ya know? I think that should be about it. I'm trying to not be on my netbook as often 'cause my dad's being a bitch about it. And also, I need some self-control....psh yea right.

Okay it's 5 to 11PM and I'm feeling a bit sore. Time for bed? Yea, I think so. Let's start a countdown, shall we?

58 days until I'm officially a senior. Oh boy.

I'd put something sentimental here, but...meh. Maybe some other time. :P

I really need to be a bit more consistent with my posts.

I don't want to have too much to update all in one day. Especially if I'm going to go hang out and have a blast. Ya know? Okay, I think I should get a good night's sleep and do that...next week.

Yesterday was July 7th. We finally got our student metrocards, so we were free to go wherever we liked. We had the full three rides, so why not use it, right? That's right: we took a trip to Times Square. It was a blast. I loved our stupidity and randomness. It's inexplainable and indescribable so I think I'll stop here.

Today we went to some new territory: Columbus Circle in Manhattan. We just walked around the mall for the AC. Louise took some pictures but she hasn't uploaded them yet. It was just another chill afternoon. We're going to watch Despicable Me tomorrow so I think I should have a slightly longer post. Yes? I hope so, otherwise it totally defeats the purpose of my blog.

It's getting cold in my room. I still need to shower. So, I'm out for the night.

My weekend summed up.

Sunday: Dorney Park and the Wild Water Kingdom with the family plus Kevin Lu and his mom. It was fun. I went on so many thrill rides. Actually, there was about 5ish of them but I went on each at least twice. Yea, I was dizzy afterwards. I had so many adrenaline rushes and I felt so tired...but it was great. We saw fireworks at 9:30PM from the parking lot. It was pretty. I took some pictures but I'll have to upload them some other time. My family's being...stupid now. As always.

Monday: Jones Beach with my family minus my mom and Kevin's mom only. The five of us...it was fun. Fun AND relaxing! Could I have asked for more? Oh, i got tan. Really tan. But it's still not even. -tear- If I were to repeat that afternoon, I would.

Tuesday: (today) It was so freaking hot. After volunteer, we stayed in Atlantic Mall and just walked around seeking AC places. Yea...we're wanderers. End of story.

I feel bad for the lack of a detailed update but I'm exhausted. I also can't spend too much time on Blogger updating due to some retards calling me for pointless chores. -rolls eyes-

I've never been so silent at home. I think it's better this way.

Back from Jersey Gardens

Today, my family and I went to NJ to shop for swimsuits (Carol and I) and groceries (for tomorrow and Monday). We bought so much food to make sandwiches for both Sunday and Monday 'cause we have plans. All-day plans. Dorney Park tomorrow and beach on Monday. I'm going to be so black on Tuesday.

EDIT: This was supposed to be published on Saturday but I totally forgot this existed.

Basically: I loved Jersey Gardens and bought two bikinis. The End. :D

Lovely MJ Afternoon yesterday

Yesterday, Louise, Howard, Johanna and Max came over my house to chill. We didn't have anything planned and we were all broke so we thought of something cheap-ish to do: go over someone's house. We bought turkey to make sandwiches so we don't spend too much on lunch and bought drinks at the supermarket. We only played for two hours and we were getting tired and bored (two hours STRAIGHT) so we took a break. Johanna and I took a lunch break while everyone else just took an MJ break.

I'm not going to go on and on about my day/afternoon with them. They came pretty early though. Louise, Howard and Johanna arrived by 8:30ish and Max came soon after (like 9ish?). They didn't leave until 5PM. In short, it was a relaxing and somewhat fun day. Don't you guys agree?

Ahaha, Skype afterwards. It was the usual funny. Sam was talking a bit more; kinda unusual for the Fish. We had fun on Skype, as always. No matter what's going on at home, when I go on Skype and I'm chatting with the crew, I automatically feel so much better. They make me forget the shit that's going on at home. I really love them. Yea, I'm being cheesy right now ): !

Well, it's Saturday morning and I'm off to go shopping in NJ with my family. BJ's first then hopefully Jersey Gardens after. I'll probably be back on Blogger tomorrow night if not tonight. (:

Oh, and happy belated birthday to my dad !

Terribly annoying stressful day.

Slept at 2AM. Dad woke me up at 8:30 just to tell me to do laundry. Before that, Mom woke me up at 6-7AM to tell me the same thing. I get up and out of bed and head for the bathroom. I couldn't even shit in peace-no joke. Afterwards I went downstairs to do the stupid laundry. Soon after, I went back to bed with my netbook. Only 10 minutes after I came back upstairs, he told me he was headed out for his doctor appointment. REALLY NOW? Annoying.

As if both parents ticking me off so early wasn't enough, my sister had to be a total bitch. AS ALWAYS. I think part, if not most, of the reason why I was so mad today was because I didn't have permission to go out. My day today was so pointless and unproductive. I'm feeling extremely lazy and tired too. Not good.

When my dad came home around 2PM, I had to go finish up the laundry. Or try. He continued to tick me off to no end, so I took a nap. I think I took a 2 hour nap, or something. Before I knew it, it was 5PM and I had to bring my brother to karate (or whatever the heck it's called). I just became conscious from my nap (I wouldn't call it waking up, really) and I didn't want to bring him. I told him to tell my sister to bring him and I'll pick him up. She comes upstairs, punches me while I'm asleep, bitches/yells something stupid, and storms off. I was so mad, I punched the wall. It sort of hurt, but it was nothing compared to the anger I felt.

As if that wasn't enough. OH YEA, there's more. My mom comes home, and I remembered that I had to add the fabric softener to the second load. My sister was down there the entire time, and I thought she would have enough common sense to add the fabric softener. Of course, she did not. I go down, prepared to hang up the load and all she says to me is, "You forgot to add the softener." She has the nerve to say it in that manner, as if the laundry is solely my responsibility. REALLY NOW? I cam back upstairs and complained a little to my mom about how stupid my sister was. My dad "just" woke up form his nap and he bitched at me for complaining like a bitch. Gah. I was so mad, I went to my room, crawled in bed and just cried.

Later on, it was time for dinner. I had to set up the table by myself, and I was hungry. I didn't give a damn 'cause my stomach was growling for food. After dinner, my dad had this form for me to fill out. It was some insurance thing and they wanted to clarify something or whatnot. I filled it out in frustration due to my parents' attitudes and forgot to white something out while throwing a slight tantrum. Slight tantrum and I get scolded. Thanks a lot.

I think after today, my life span just shortened by a good 10ish years, if not 5 at the least. Thanks, family. Thanks a lot.