My appetite doesn't seem to be with my nowadays.

My stomach is speaking to me, but I'm not listening to it. It growls, I think about food and instantly get disgusted and feel like barfing. Ugh. This can't be good for my health. Then again, I do need to lose a few, so it's all good. Doing slightly better in track too! -somewhat proud-

I feel like a hypocrite though. I scorn those who starve themselves just to lose weight. I'm not doing that, but I do feel like I'm somewhat starving myself. I don't know, I just don't feel like eating much anymore. Not in the mood too. Or, if I'm hungry, no appetite for anything. At all.

But tonight's going to be different. I'm at my cousin's place now and they invited me to stay for dinner. I fucking love them. Why am I not living with them instead? But yea, he's cooking up loads of stuff (they don't call him Fay Jay for nothin') and it smells delicious. -stomach growl- Yea, time to beast tonight, ahaha.

Let me rant for the time being while I'm waiting for food.

I don't know exactly what came over me today. After gym, I just felt meh. I wanted to desperately run away and hide. And then think. And think. And think. After gym, I felt whoozy and slightly dizzy. I think it was from the mini-nap I sorta had. The I suddenly got up and BAM -whoozy- ffffuuuu-

On the train, I was hoping that the ride would zoom by, like it usually does. But no, for some odd reason, it felt like forever. From Pacific St. to 59th St., it felt like 30+ min when in reality it's probably less than 20. After I got to my stop, I took a walk in the cold. It was freezing and the crazy wind didn't make it any better. But the numbing feeling helped me, in a way.

I then chilled at cousin's place. Bought food for dad's dinner and dropped it off at my place. Came back here and now I'm waiting for food. Oh, and my cousin officially thinks I'm crazy (not that she didn't have a hint before). Chloe = turning 20 this Friday. My other cousin, Wei = 30 something and with a cuteass 6 month old daughter. He's the one cooking. I love his cooking but it makes me feel so fat afterwards ): But then it's so filling!

Yea, anywhoo. I forgot to bring my journal to write in. I fell asleep on my entry last night at around 4:30am. Don't ask why I was up so late-I failed at starting my Genetics paper. But -sigh- I left it at home 'cause Grandma was bitching at me. Ick. I'd bring it around with me so I can scribble random shit in it...but that makes the risk of someone seeing it higher. A lot higher.

So home it stays.

Ohhey this post is kinda long. Whoops. I'm still hungry. Where is my dinnerrrrr ); ?