No daily post on online blog.

I'm not going to try to write every day. I'm getting less and less time online and shit. I think it's a good thing seeing that I have deadlines coming up. Instead of venting online, I made myself a nice little journal. Well, not nice yet. I need to decorate it when I feel like it.

My hands are cold. I'm kinda hungry. I have dishes to do. Busy-ish weekend? Hopefully. I need to keep my mind off certain things; I hate it when it wanders. Ah well, sounds like they finished dinner. Time to go ~

Be back...who knows when. (:

Maybe I should start blogging every day.

Or writing in a journal. Something.

Although Tumblr gives me my Tom Felton/Emma Watson/HP satisfaction, I feel depressed on it. Not to say I don't feel sad on this sometimes. But a lot of things nowadays sort of just suck up my energy and leave me feeling lifeless and dull (gosh, I really need to expand my vocabulary).

Er, I guess you can call this an update. Sorta. Not reall.y Need to get some college shit done before Wednesday. Might as well do it since I'm up, yea?

More HP obsession. If you don't believe me, just look on my Tumblr. Lulz.

I am tired as hell.

It's been a while since I pulled an all-nighter. No, my 30min-ish nap don't count. I was stupid for falling asleep. But that thick blanket on the couch looked so freakin' inviting for my cold hands, feet, and nose.

So, some news for now. I finished one paragraph for my Genetics paper. With some...motivation. Forced motivation. Let's not get into detail on that one. And right now I'm making some chicken puffs! I'll take some pictures the second they pop out of the oven :D! But it tasted yummy...the filling anyways. Or maybe I'm hungry. Really hungry...'cause I kinda am. Just sayin'.

-5 hours later-

I take that back. I'm not in the mood anymore. What am I in the mood for? Crawling up in bed and crying myself to sleep. If I'm even lucky enough to get to sleep. I want to do nothing more than just sitting here, staring at my screen, and just letting go. Sounds easy, huh?

Well, it's not.

Since last Sunday, there were times I've wanted to just sit in a quiet place and think to myself. Dwell on random depressing shit and move on, maybe. The one time I decide to cry to myself? While I was in the car with my dad this morning. I don't know if he saw. Part of me wishes he did while the other part of me doesn't. If he saw and questioned, he might still give a shit about me. If not, then oh wells.

I'm going to try to finish this Genetics paper now.

I realized it was only just a dream.

Now they're gone and you're wishing

You could give them everything.

Reading HP FF.

My favorite pasttime. But really, I should start my homework. Or that Genetics paper. I also need another source.

OMG, the pain of the paper.

I need to calm down.

Sometime soon.

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?"

-Albert Einstein

If only I knew that of all the moments we spent, only a few will be remembered through time.

I'm into depressing songs again.

Why, oh why, must you sound so good? It makes me wonder about where my mind has gone. It makes me wonder if I'm going back into a depression stage. Except this time, I can actually see myself smile at rare times throughout the day. That's one plus. But then again, it could be a sign of insanity. Who knows?

When given time to myself, by myself, I find myself thinking pessimistically. It annoys me more than anything. I find myself wanting to cry and just leave it at that. Crawl up in bed and go sleep for as long as I want. I feel at peace in my sleep but...sleep can only last for so long. It only feels like a couple of minutes when in reality, a couple hours have gone by.

I think I need more sleep. I think I need to procrastinate less. I think I need to stop thinking and start doing. Oh, and I've realized that I'm somewhat back on Blogspot now. I'm on Tumblr less. it's almost like I don't care about it anymore 'cept to update some new photos and my 365. I don't know why but Tumblr depresses me a little. Pft. Like my posts here don't depress me already.

I laugh at my own irony. But that's okay.

I'm going to sign off now. Maybe get some sleep. A part of me doesn't want to. A another part of me is screaming for some rest. Most of me is just screaming to stop.

Stop what, really? Everything if anything.

Jump up, fall down, gotta play it loud now.

Don't care, my head's spinning all around now.

I swear I'll do, anything that I have to

Til I forget about you.

I think I need a long walk.

Just for air. Just to take a breather. Just to feel like I still exist. That I'm still myself.

I can't tell if this is all spurred by the events of last night, but it made me realize lots of things. Things that I've kept buried deep in the back of my mind. While I was hoping they'd all pass, the stress just kept accumulating and now it's out. Although it feels like a bomb's been dropped on me, I feel like there's more to come. It's like all the accumulated stress is just slowly coming out in bursts but still continuously coming out nonetheless.

I think tonight is a sort of good thing. A little get-away from all of this, more or less. Yea, I'm going to enjoy myself tonight and just chill. Hopefully. But before all that happens, I need to pull myself together right now. Just thinking about random shit today while I wasn't distracted made me close to tears. In my opinion, it's pretty pathetic to be unable to let it out. At all or in general. It's a pretty sad concept.

Hm, it's 2:40PM and we were supposed to be at Target's/post office. Guess I'm not going home 'til my mom gets home. Plans later: go home, shower, get ready, and party. I really hope my dad doesn't pick me up. I want to stay in the city a little longer. I want to look like a tourist and take pictures in NYC at Times Square, at night. It just sounds so lovely, right?

Not really. You know what day I'm definitely looking forward to? The day HPDH comes out. I don't know or care what time I'm staying out until. But by then, most or all final decisions will be made and I can relax for good. By then, hopefully, the only thing I have to worry about is getting stuff done instead of starting. Starting is the most difficult part but then so is finishing.

Thinking about it, I really can't wait until after Nov. 15th. I don't know why, but I have a feeling the future events will be splendid. Oh, snap. When I get home, I need to remember to charge my camera. Low battery. And I need to update my 365 more. It's not that I don't take pictures daily. It's not that I've stopped. Oh no. It's just that I haven't had the time or I haven't made it a habit just yet.

This weekend was a slow, painful blur for me. I just hope I don't have to go through a weekend like that ever again. Oh yay, I'm left all alone in the English office. Sorta, not really. I should take that walk before something bursts.

Oh, note to self: ask Horin how to get to Brooklyn Bridge park. Alone.

Edit: this looks like a long rant. Whoops.

I have always walked alone,

A crossroad, living by myself.

But this time you said you would take me away,

To some corner, just you and me.