Saturday, January 1, 2011

My Resolutions for 2011

1. Get healthy:

· Slim down/lose baby fat. My goal is to cut down 10+lbs by April, at the earliest. I just want to lose at least 20lbs before summer starts. It’s not that I’m ashamed when I wear a bikini. This year, I got a bit more daring and wore a bikini all summer. No shame. I just need to lose the fat to be physically healthy. My doctor tells me my cholesterol levels are high again, and that’s not a good thing.

· Eat less/balance out meals. I need to find a balance in my meals. Sometimes I go for too much energy food and end up doing nothing. Or I go for junk food but work my butt off. I don’t know; it feels lopsided to me. I just want my meals to feel evened out. Then maybe my days won’t feel like awry. Starting with basic physical needs, I think, is a good way to bring out the best in myself (one of my major resolutions).

· Be more active. Phys. Ed, for me, in sophomore year was rigorous. I had a strict teacher who made us sweat. Although I would occasionally pass out on my bed early, I never felt better about myself on a physical level. I felt refreshed. Right now, I think I’m getting close to that feeling again. I just need to work on my cardiovascular endurance and strength. That’s probably what made me feel great all over. Start with the heart.

2. Be fluent in a language other than English. Learn Chinese and relearn Spanish? I want to gain fluency in either one. Preferably both. Chinese is my native language; it would be sad if I wasn’t fluent in this one. I can speak it fine, but I want to be able to read and write on more than just an elementary level. And, Spanish. A Romance language. I don’t remember the last time I actually used Spanish constructively. I want to relearn this forgotten language to me. By not using it on a daily basis, I feel as if I slowly lost a part of me since I dropped the language at the end of my sophomore year. No more.

3. Act with integrity on a daily basis-make it a habit. Back in September, my US Government teacher made us do a week-long homework assignment: act with integrity at least once a day for a week and mark it off. Seemed simple and straight-forward enough for me. This one, simple activity left me thinking. What happened to integrity? When you think about it, people nowadays probably won’t be able to define integrity. Maybe it’s because I live in NYC, but acts of integrity are hard to come by. It made me think about how people should be more honest and all that good stuff, especially in this day.

4. Be happy. With myself, and with the world. With a lot of things, really. The “world” one might be spurred by a series of recent events. These events made me realize that we don’t have a lot of time to be miserable. 2011 is my graduating year. I’m leaving high school and moving onto college. I don’t think I have the time to bitch and mope. I’m trying to change that about myself. 2010 wasn’t a bad year; it was just chock full of significant events. Significant events that, I feel, changed me. I’m just hoping 2011 will be more positive. WAY more positive. In some ways, this resolution could also be connected to having a better tolerance, as Emily puts it. As my life’s changing, I want my outlook on life to change as well. For the better, of course.

5. Become wise with money. I’m anything but. You could say I spend recklessly, but I don’t think it’s anything too out of control. I think I just need to learn to save efficiently. Especially if I have several things I want done and almost everything today involves money. I know money doesn’t buy happiness and all that good stuff, but it does make the road smoother. Just a bit smoother. I feel like I should write more, but I think it’s better if I leave this resolution here.

6. Smile more. And I don’t mean just any old smile. I mean a genuine smile. Those genuine smiles where you want to smile more, but your cheeks are hurting too much-in a good way. I guess laughing more could be here too. I remember the last time I laughed so hard that it hurt, but it feels like a while ago. Or, well it feels like I don’t do it as often. Not as often as I’d like. After all, laughter is the best medicine, no? This resolution could tie in with my “be happy,” one but I think it is two different things. I definitely view it as two different things.

7. Bring out the best in myself. If not more of myself. I’ve never said this or told anyone this, but I feel like I barely discovered myself. I’m not sure if I don’t know the person I’m supposed to be, or if I’m just experimenting. Half the time, I do things and I feel like I’m not being myself. Maybe it’s the recent mindset I’ve been in. Maybe I’m just weird. Whatever it is, I feel like 2011 is my year to do this. It might be because I’m graduating and leaving a life behind-a life I’ve known for 17 years. Or it might be because I’m finally beginning to see how life is. Either way, I have a good feeling about this.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

"I want to meet someone that doesn’t know me at all. Doesn’t know my friends, doesn’t know friends of my friends, someone that is not connected to me in any way; a complete stranger. No preconceived notions of each other, both our pasts behind us. I just want to get their name and their number. I don’t want to add them on facebook, tumblr, twitter, whatever. We’re not going to text each other, IM each other, email each other, whatever. The only way we are going to communicate is face to face or voice to voice (on the phone). I want to get to know the real them and I want them to know the real me. I want it be pure and simple. If perfection is impossible, then I want it to be just shy of perfect. "

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Angela had a philosophical moment. Horin would be proud.



I feel like there are several reasons to these flippin’ bumps in the road:

  1. The people who paved it are idiots for leaving bumps. Then again, that’s how life is.
  2. We’re stupid for not stepping over them, especially if we see them.
  3. We’re stupid for hurting ourselves for stepping ON them and bitching at no one in general about the pain it’s causing us.

Omg. I sound so philosophical. This was from a convo I had. I don’t think I was feeling myself when I said this.

Then again, when do I ever feel like myself?

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I cried myself to sleep last night.

Blame it on the alcohol.

"Drunken words are sober thoughts."

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I feel so unemotional.

At the same time, I feel uber emotional.

On the outside, I'm indifferent. Right now, at least. But on the inside? I'm a complete mess.

I don't know whether to laugh at myself or cry.

I'm not even putting my heart into my Tumblr, atm. Instead of reblogging stuffs, I'm just liking everything.

Holy shit, what the hell is wrong with me?

Friday, December 24, 2010

I want to kiss you…so badly.

(title creds to nerissalorayna)

Not one of those "Cya later" ones. Not one of those "in the moment" ones. Not one of those passionless ones.

I want one that actually means something.

'Cause I know that it's going to mean something to me.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I want bliss.

Ignorance is bliss. Right?

I need to be on a permanent high if I'm to survive. Hm, so this is how potheads do it.

Dead tired. Week "flew by" and now it's break. Oh hey, college shit to do. I think that can wait 'til tomorrow. I fell dead asleep at the kitchen table-something rare. And I fell dead asleep and ended up at Coney Island. Another rare event.

I need sleep. Yea, Captain Obvious is working overtime tonight.